And so it is...

Things happen. Bad things. Good things. Fair things. Unfair things. For reasons unknown. As a society, we are so arrogant. We go through life with egos and walls and underserved prejudices. I'm just as guilty as the next guy (or girl). I want it to be easy...for things to just come to me. Not material things per se, more like answers. I want to wake up in the morning and not think sometimes. But thank God, thinking is a necessary part of a productive lifestyle. I feel (maybe undeservedly) I have an innate sense of right and wrong, but I've learned, through many painful and humbling experiences that my sense is not necessarily the correct sense.

The most common adjective I've heard to describe myself is either "sweet" or "kind" or "sensitive", or my least favorite: "emotional". Instead of being grateful I'm not known as "the bitch" or "rude" or "mean", I often wish I was described as "sexy" or "beautiful" or even more importantly "weird". I want to be viewed as I view myself (the weird part, not the sexy part). Kenny Rogers said, "Every person is three people: the person you think you are, the person others think you are, and the person you really are. The closer those three people are, the better the person you are." This resonates so deeply with me. A couple of years ago my cousin K, my brother and I flew out to New Orleans to spend the weekend with my cousin E who was attending college nearby. We all had different flight times and K's girlfriend was supposed to pick me up and drive me to DFW airport. However, she overslept and did not make it and I ended up missing my flight and had to fly standby and ended up making it to New Orleans about 5 hours later than intended. While this caused a big fight between K and his girlfriend, I could never be upset with her because she texted K and said, "I bet she's not even as mad as you are. You know how eccentric she is". This was the highest compliment to me.

I've always felt a little different. Like I thought differently, felt differently, cared about different things. Not better, just different. In fact, throughout most of my adolescent and teenage years, these were often feelings of being less than or not good enough. I've just recently learned how to embrace the way I think, the way I feel and the things that matter to me. I never thought anyone would "get" me. I'd just about given up. I'd tried hanging out with different groups of people and dated several different guys; desperately searching for that connection with somebody, anybody. A nonjudgemental and true understanding. When I finally met that person, I honestly didn't think it would be him. He's a pretty boy...in every sense of the phrase, and I mean that in a very loving way. I was instantly attracted to him, gave him my phone number (Because he asked. I don't just randomly give out my phone number) and never heard from him. I chalked it up to a handsome guy flirting with me and went about my life. Again, I let my prejudices and judgements take over and thought, I'm sure he's just like all good-looking guys. Fast forward three years later: I'm writing my very first blog post while pretty boy is softly snoring next to me. The only reason I am even writing is because he put his laptop in my lap and basically said, "I have faith in you, please write something", and promptly fell asleep. The story of what happened between the night I met pretty boy and tonight is for another day. But, I'm glad I didn't give up. I'm glad I let down walls and I'm glad I found someone who inspires me, who has faith in me and who I know will never give up on me...someone who finally "gets" me.